What I've Gained in One Year of Therapy

From prenatal depression to personal strength - my therapy journey.

I love to celebrate. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, seasons, and milestones. And next month marks one for me - one year of therapy!

I hesitate to openly discuss therapy. My instinct is that it would make people uncomfortable if I were to open about my mental health struggles that I’ve sought out professional help to get through. I’ve learned that instinct is misguided. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the amount of people in my life who not only encourage therapy, but share their own experiences.

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My first experience in therapy was actually in college. My college amazingly offered free counseling services. When I hit a rough patch junior year, I decided to schedule an appointment. But I was noncommittal… After one session, I flat out ghosted the therapist. I stopped showing up to appointments and didn’t respond to emails. Terrible, I know.

Life kept happening and I kept moving forward, but the things I struggled with didn’t magically vanish.

In full transparency, I returned to therapy last year after majorly struggling with prenatal depression during my second pregnancy. My days felt so heavy and hard, and it was the thought of how that might affect my baby growing inside of me that nudged me to seek help. I knew that I could be a better mother if I prioritized my mental health.

I’m lucky that I was able to find a fit for me relatively quickly - I know that isn’t always the case and sometimes it takes a trying a few people before you find the right one. Since starting, I have felt immensely better, and I’m proud to say I’ve committed to continuing - even though I no longer feel the same weight I once did. I continue to see the benefits of therapy in my daily life.

When you think about physical health, it takes maintenance. You don’t just train to hit a certain milestone and then once it’s over, you stop. You’d lose your strength and stamina. Mental health works the same way.

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Things I’ve Learned During My First Year of Therapy

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Identify the voice in your head.

A huge struggle of mine is the (irrational) fear of being seen as a mean or selfish or bad person - and that will somehow lead me to a lonely life. This has resulted in me having zero backbone for most of my life. In countless therapy sessions, I’d say things like “I know this sounds mean, but I feel...” or “This is selfish, but I think…” I was constantly labeling my thoughts and emotions as somehow wrong.

She made me realize that those thoughts aren’t really my voice. I know myself and my heart and intentions. And anybody that truly loves and knows me will understand that, too.

She encouraged me to ask, “Whose voice is that, saying you’re selfish? A bad person?” I can trace those voices back to the moments or memories where they started. But now as a grown adult (fully developed frontal lobe and all!) - I can reject those voices and call them out for what they are: not true.

I am listening to my own voice.

Speak to myself the way I would speak to my kids.

Children remind us to be kind, patient, and empathetic. We speak to them gently, with warmth and care. We should speak to ourselves like that, too. When I catch myself spiraling into self-criticism, I now picture my beautiful daughters with their big, innocent eyes and sweet, dimpled cheeks. It helps me reset and talk more kindly to myself. In ways, parenting them is a way of re-parenting myself.

“Stop following the snake.”

I shared this metaphor in another post, but it’s worth sharing again. The premise is if you got bit by a snake, you wouldn’t follow the snake to find out why it bit you. You would tend to the wound.

This metaphor was transformative for me. Instead of dwelling on painful experiences in search of understanding why they happened, I shifted focus to the wounds that needed tending to. Not living and stuck in the past, but what I can do in the present.

photo from pinterest

Holding a boundary is what creates change.

Remember how I mentioned I had no backbone? It resulted in me letting a lot of things slide. There came a time, in a few situations these past few months, when I had to say: enough.

When I was brave enough to hold the boundary, I was stunned to see it often led to the very change I’d been craving.

It took months, and I mean months, of discussing boundaries in therapy before I could start doing this. But now that I have, I’m excited for the beautiful peace of mind and self-respect this will bring me.

Anger is valid. Let it out.

Express, don’t repress. Emotions demand to be felt. If you don’t feel them, they will still find their way out - in outbursts or passive aggressiveness or silent resentments.

Now I let myself vent, whether that’s talking to my husband or best friend, or writing it out in a journal or a note I’ll never send. Getting it out in a safe and healthy way puts me in a better place to communicate productively.

Use “I” statements when communicating through problems with someone.

It’s still important to express hurt, frustration, or anger with someone when needed. Because if you never speak up, you can’t expect things to ever change. And even if they don’t change, you will know you tried. This helps making peace with the situation and/or finding closure a lot easier.

A key tool my therapist taught me is to use“I” statements.

A little example:

Instead of saying “You don’t ever reach out to me or show you care.”

You can say: “I feel hurt that you don’t reach out me to ask about me or my kids, when I make efforts to reach out to you.”

It’s a subtle shift that avoids finger pointing and opens the door for understanding and empathy, instead of defensiveness.

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Therapy is one of the best gifts I’ve given myself. It is not always easy, but it is undeniably worth it. I’ve learned to trust my voice, to be kinder to myself, to stand up for myself, and to communicate with clarity and compassion.

I’m celebrating the growth and healing and resilience it’s took me to get where I am today. If you are considering therapy, please know that it’s okay to begin wherever you are and that your healing is worth celebrating, too.