The 3 Things Our Family Makes Time For Every Month
Our "Monthly 3": My Family's Approach To Quality Time
Hi! I’m Cassie, a first time mom and the writer behind Moments & Mirrors. Moments & Mirrors is a collection of stories and reflections drawn from my own experiences, with the hope that they inspire ideas for my daughter to inherit and individualize. Subscribe to get them sent to directly to your inbox.
Do you remember a few years ago when everybody was talking about the 5 different love languages? Maybe that was a bigger conversation around my friends and me, and not as “universal” as I remember, but if you aren’t familiar…
The 5 love languages came from the book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. I’ve never read the book, but I did take an online quiz where you can see which of the 5 is “your love language.” The 5 different types are:
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Basically, the theory is these are the 5 main ways different people perceive and receive love. Maybe the love language theory is a bunch of nonsense, but I do think there is power in understanding that we may communicate and interpret love differently from one another.
You may have the best intentions, but come at a crossroads of miscommunication with someone when you think you are showing love, yet it seems like the person on the receiving end doesn’t appreciate it or understand.
Example:
Maybe your love language is Acts of Service. You just finished cleaning the house, which took all afternoon. But your partner’s love language is Quality Time. Later in the day, your partner complains that you didn’t get to spend any time together that day. You’ll probably think: “But I was spending that time cleaning the house for you?” …I think you get the point.
Because of this, I wanted (and somehow succeeded in) having my husband take the quiz when we were dating. He ended up having the same love language as me: Quality Time.
This is in the back of my mind when I am thinking of how I can create an atmosphere of love between each other, in our home, and for our family.
I 100% think a happy and healthy marriage is the foundation for a happy and healthy family.
So when this year started, we talked about carving out intentional quality time in what I am calling “Our Monthly 3”.
Quality Time for each of us individually
Each month we make an effort to plan ahead and schedule an afternoon or evening of doing something by ourselves, for ourselves.
Quality Time as a couple
We schedule some sort of date night, which honestly will usually end up being some sort of activity at home after we put our girl to bed - but hey, it’s the intentionality that counts.
Quality Time altogether, as a family
Something that is just the 3 of us, out and about.
A big rule for the time together as a couple or a family: put the phone away.
It’s insane how quickly calendars fill up in adulthood, so I like the idea of treating quality time like an appointment. Plan ahead, schedule it, consider yourself booked during that time.
In January, I went to a sauna session at a spa and it was sooo lovely. I came home feeling so re-energized, not crabby or impatient like I am sometimes when I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. The time for us alone will make us better partners and parents.
This weekend we are planning to strap Charlie to our chest in a baby carrier and take a small hike on an easy trail. It’s actually one we did while I was pregnant, so I’m looking forward to that full circle moment.
These things don’t have to be fancy, just intentional.
I am lucky that David and I have the same love language and prioritize the same things. But I’m aware that for a lot of other people I love in my life, this may not be the case.
People communicate differently. Our daughter will be one of them.
Maybe she’ll be a toddler who craves hugs, maybe she’ll need words of encouragement when she’s in elementary school. Who knows? The point is it’s important to me that I try to understand her as her own person, with her own ideas and not just assume she’ll think exactly like her parents.
It seems silly to think of all of that now when the girl cannot even crawl yet (lol). But I know the growing-up will come all too quickly.
As our little family grows together, adapting and learning, I’m committing to nurturing a home that reflects love, understanding, and appreciation for each of our unique needs; acknowledging we are all different from one another and then meeting people where they are, wherever that may be.
Now Playing: Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift