I have a memory of being a teenager riding in the car with a friend and her family. While driving down the road, we passed a homeless person on the street with a sign asking for help. My friend’s dad made some sort of remark related to how that person can ‘get off his butt and work’. Despite being a teenager and knowing not-a-lot about the world, I remember having a visceral reaction inside of me. I just knew that kind of thinking seemed wrong.
We didn’t know anything about the person we had just driven by - what circumstances he was born into or what led him there. What things he has or hasn’t tried. Maybe he did make ‘bad decisions’ and his circumstances were a result of his own actions, but I cannot wrap my mind around why people can justify that as humans being any less human. Any less deserving of respect.
I’ve been part of many conversations where people suggest to not hand out money because they might just go turn around and misuse it on something like drugs and…sure, they could. But that is their choice, and their choice and actions are a reflection on them - not the act of kindness itself. I feel myself rambling, struggling to put this eloquently…but it’s something I deeply believe in.
If you were to hand out $50 in an effort to help someone, that is your choice rooted in good intention. How they do or do not spend is does not change that about you. Your choice still reflects empathy, kindness, respect.
If I were to withhold an act of kindness out of fear or judgement or whatever it may be that it isn’t ‘used properly’, that is also your choice.
The point is your choice reflects your beliefs. Others’ choices don’t reflect yours.
And I believe that for the most part, people are good. There is nuance to everything. We never know what others are going through - people deserve the benefit of the doubt. People deserve chances. People deserve grace.
This is not to say that I believe in some fairytale dream where everyone is a great person. I am not naive. I know there are some people that are mean spirited or unethical. But I guess I’d like to give people the chance to show that to me rather than making a quick judgement.
I believe in discernment and boundaries, but that they can coexist with optimism and kindness. I believe in hope. I don’t think those are things to equate with being naive or childish. It’s funny that ‘childish’ can have some sort of connotation that you’re inexperienced or even unintelligent. But children themselves are great examples of seeing the good in people and in life. They aren’t born with hate in their heart.
When we watched the Superbowl halftime show this past year, my 2.5-year-old watched and simply said, “I like the music!” I thought of all the (adult) online-behavior that was in such an uproar. Rooted in such hate. It felt so wild to me. A performance of art spoken in someone’s one native tongue. I couldn’t, and still don’t, understand how something that did not hurt anyone can make anyone react so viscerally.
Since becoming a mom, I have become hyper-reflective knowing that I have a privilege and responsibility of raising humans. I have a hand in crafting their beliefs. I want them to believe in treating humans kindly, to treat others with respect, to be open-minded. I want to raise them to witness and participate in acts of generosity.
Back when I was a teenager and still growing, I might not have had the words or ability to form the words, but what was happening was a belief system being built. Somewhere along the way, other people’s actions and words had a hand in crafting that. I’m so very grateful for that. I like the idea of me leaving my own little crumbs of kindness that can lead others to being inspired to do the same.
At the end of the day, I cannot control what others do or what others choose. The only thing I really can control is my own choices. And I want to choose, over and over again, to be kind and generous.
Beautiful thoughts, Cassie. We can always choose kindness!