Welcome to Moments & Mirrors! Moments & Mirrors will unfold as a collection of stories and reflections drawn from my own experiences, with the hope that they inspire ideas for my daughters to inherit and individualize. So glad you are here!
Hello, friends! Charlie turned 10 months recently (double-digits, gah!), and as she continues to get closer to turning 1-year-old, I’ve found myself reflecting on these first months of motherhood. They aren’t kidding when they tell you it flies by.
Below are ten reflections from my first ten months of being a new parent.
Breastfeeding is so much harder than I ever realized. I consider myself lucky - my girl had a great latch from the get-go, yet even then breastfeeding was such a daunting task. I was constantly worried about my supply since my girl was quite the tiny peanut for the first 4 months of her life, and the mental-math was exhausting. Trying to time everything in your life in two-hour increments and debating if I should nurse or pump…it left a lot of room for self-doubt. Not to mention it freaking HURTS at first - as your body is still healing from giving birth. It really opened my eyes to the scope of the physical and mental demands of motherhood, making me more empathetic for all moms, myself included.
The second I chose to quite breastfeeding, my mental health was better and my daughter gained healthy weight. I think it made me a better mom. I plan to try breastfeeding for my second baby, but my plan is to do it until I go back to work and to implement combo-feeding from the beginning so that I always know baby is well-fed.While I just admitted to acknowledging that becoming a parent has hardships, it’s important to me to say: motherhood is not martyrdom. Becoming a parent is a choice, and I stand behind my choice to be a mom - in all it’s messy, loving glory. When I see people online constantly venting about their struggles, I’m happy for the transparency - but I also feel the need to tell anybody listening, “It’s not all bad! It’s actually 100x more good then bad if you know you want to be a parent!”
I never want my kids to feel like they ‘owe’ me simply because I’m doing my job. I’m never going be the parent that says, ‘Look at all I’ve given up and given for you!’
Yes, parenting has hardships. But there’s always a ‘hard’ in life. You get to choose your hard. I’d make the choice to be a mom, every time.Getting out of the house makes a difference. This was really intimidating to me at first, and even more so after I experienced a baby-breakdown in TJ Max one afternoon, but - it is worth it, friends! Most of the time it goes better than expected, and it truly makes such a difference to your mental health. Even without baby, I’ve realized just getting out is better for me.
I make my choices with a better perspective. When I make decisions, even the simplest ones, I now realize somebody is watching me - learning from me. What are my choices reflecting? This includes how I consume social media, how I talk about myself, how I talk about others, what I eat, etc. I think to myself: Is what I am doing right now something I would want for my daughters?
It’s made me kinder. I hope, more than anything, to raise kind humans. Who are kind not only to others, but to themselves.Rhythms > Routines
Babies do well with consistency. But the beauty is they don’t run on timed schedules. Rather than trying to time things by the hour or minute, it’s easier to just get into a general ‘flow’ of things - a typical order of when to do things. It’s a balanced approach to consistency, that helps me feel in control, but not overwhelmed.Who you marry is the most important choice of your life. Obvious, but I cannot stress it more after having a baby. We are raising humans together. Remember when I said I have little humans watching me and learning from me? They’re watching their dad, too. I cannot say enough how happy I am with my choice as a life partner - the days directly after giving birth cannot reaffirm that more.
When I’m feeling stressed out or tired or cranky, it feels good to know I can be honest about that and ask for help. It feels good to know that our girls will always be loved and taken care of by us both.And to add to that, it’s important to empower your partner in parenthood. With my personality type and the general anxiety of first-time-parenting, I could (and still can) be kindof a control freak! Ooooops. In the beginning, I would want to manage how everything was done (I mean, everything). But that’s not sustainable, for anyone.
I had to let go and let David be a Dad! He can pick out the outfit, pack the diaper bag, make the appointments, prep the food - I don’t need to do all that, and more importantly, I want him to know I trust him to do it. At the end of the day, as long as the baby is safe that is all that matters.
This is still a work-in-progress for me, letting go of control. But when I catch myself doing it, I try to communicate to David that I do trust him and I’m trying to be better at not micromanaging.Labor & Delivery nurses are unsung heroes! When I share my birth story to anyone, I always emphasize how incredible the nurses were. I had no idea just how much nurses do for you during the entire labor and healing process…I truly struggle to find the words of just how helpful they were. I plan to bring a little ‘thank you’ basket to the hospital for them with Baby #2 (something I’ve seen a few moms do on TikTok!). Pssss: If you’re a nurse reading this, feel free to comment on any goodies you’d love as a ‘thank you.’
Deep breaths. In any situation, they have helped me. In moments of frustration with breastfeeding, during middle of the night wakings, at a doctor appointment when I was worried about my daughters health - I pause, take a deep breath. As I breathe in, I think about the ‘word’ I am needing in that moment: patience, grace, calm. As I exhale, I think of the feeling I’m trying to release out of my body: impatience, anxiety, guilt. This has worked wonders for me.
We are all more adaptable than we think. That includes both you and your baby. As humans, we are biologically made to adapt. I think we lose sight of that, and then start to worry about how we’ll handle big life changes. Obviously, becoming a mom is the most life-changing event I have ever experienced. But I remember being so surprised by how quickly it felt like I fell into a new normal, with new natural instincts that came. Of course there were learning curves, but they were not nearly as steep as I feared.
And babies are so adaptable and flexible. It is not worth the worry of trying to control and train and plan to the tiniest of details. As long as your baby is taken care of and safe, everything is okay. Trust your baby, and trust yourself.
Thanks for reading, friends! I’d love to hear any other mom’s insights and thoughts on what they’ve learned. It’s the ride of a lifetime, and I’m rooting for ya :)
Now Playing: The Mother by Brandi Carlile
You are quite literally one of my favorite writers when it comes to motherhood. Your words resonate so well with me- I felt like I was reading the thoughts I had in my head back when I was a FTM. I appreciate how you mentioned the impact of choosing the right partner. I love knowing that my kids are seeing a healthy relationship between their dad and I, and hopefully will inspire them to have a similar relationship in the future. So beautifully written, Cassie!
I really enjoy reading your newsletters! Some simple things for nurses. pens, Chapstick, hand lotion, snacks, gift cards, coffee, flowers, compression socks.
I hope you and David are doing well! <3